My feet hit the floor and I knew. It was going to be a bad day.
I had woken up in a bad mood and I didn’t know why. Nothing bad had happened the day before, but when my eyes opened that morning my mind-set was instantly filled with negative thoughts and my patience was little. As I put on my makeup I tried to pray those thoughts away but it wasn’t working.
When my little girls woke up I tried to conceal it. I forced myself to smile but inside there was this weight on my chest of frustration and annoyance that just wouldn’t go away. Every thing they asked me to do made me want to roll my eyes. Every toy left out on the floor made me frantic. Every fight between them made me want to scream at the top of my lungs. As we left for swimming lessons at 10 in the morning I told the girls, “Lets start the day over.”, because the few hours we had been up were not fun because of ME.
My bad mood never left. It didn’t care that it was unwelcomed; it stayed with me the whole day. I was constantly fighting negative thoughts and feelings, and unfortunately I lost the fight in different battles throughout the day. The bad mood won.
That evening after the girls were in bed, the tears came. They were waiting to come all day and they poured out into my hands. I was such a terrible mom and friend and person that day. Why couldn’t I get it together? Why did I wake up in a bad mood? Why was I so negative? What was going on with me? Why did today have to happen? Why couldn’t I be perfect?
I don’t know if any of you moms have days like this? When at the end of the day, you just wish you could take it all back. Patience was little. Frustration was high. And annoyance was off the radar scale.
As I cried into my hands last night, Matt told me, “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re fine. Ask God for forgiveness and move on.”
Feelings and emotions lie to us. The enemy loves to use those to his advantage and yesterday it worked. I fed into the lies he told me, the feelings I was feeling and the emotions that overtook me. But not today. Today I will battle those negative feelings and emotions. Today I will ask for God’s forgiveness and forgive myself for yesterday.
Just like my husband told me as I was crying into my hands, I’m going to tell YOU today, “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re fine.”
Photo Source: Kassidy McConville Photography