Million Miles A Minute
Sometimes this world can make you feel like if you aren’t going a million miles a minute, if there isn’t something planned and wrote on the calendar, that you’re doing it wrong; that you are missing out on all the fun. All the opportunities, the friendships to be made, experiences to be had, connections to make, betterment of oneself, seem to somehow be wrapped up in “doing” and “going”.
I’m an introvert by nature. Home is my safe place. Boredom is unknown to me here. I enjoy the rhythms of my day within these four walls. Rhythms that are harder to keep as my girls get older and we get busier. I’ve adapted and changed over the years and accepted our fate. But I find myself constantly trying to find a middle ground and it seems like I can never find it. A tug of war that no side ever wins.
I annoy myself when people ask how I am and I say, “busy!”. (Why can’t I come up with a different response?) I am annoyed at how often I complain of being busy but then doing nothing to change it. And when I do try to change it, it never seems to work out or others aren’t on the same page. I get annoyed that there seems to be a never ending to do list and I’m always playing catch up. I’m annoyed with myself that I just typed those words out.
The balance between work and rest can be hard in this world. The balance of in person connection and solitude can also be hard. Going and staying, doing and resting, I’m still trying to find that middle ground where I feel at peace with it all. Is there a middle ground? I don’t really know. Maybe that middle ground is different for us all; we are all created uniquely in God’s image- some of us thriving off of going and some of us not.
There is really no conclusion to my thoughts; no answers to type out. What I do know is comparison does play a part in my wrestling. Comparison leads to “foolishness, pride or bitterness.” And a lot of times when I struggle with my decisions to be less busy, it is because I see a picture of others doing. Of others going, connecting, exceling, etc. FOMO at its finest.
I pray God would guide my days, my priorities, my time, my thoughts. To help me accept and not complain. To find other words besides, “I’m busy”. To give me wisdom. To hear His voice clearly. To focus on what’s really important in life, not the things of this world. Amen.