They feel never-ending – the days that seem to stretch on forever and bedtime feels too far away. The bottles made and washed, put out on a towel-lined counter to dry. Diaper changes, too many to count. Every day the same, but different. Open tired eyes, feed and change, snack time and naps. Laundry is folded into piles but not put away and sitting is really not an option. Picking up toys approximately 84 times a day. Or it’s early mornings, throwing on makeup, quick breakfasts and bottles given, piling kids into car seats and racing off to daycare drop off. A race where you never quite feel ahead, always lagging behind. Dinner handed out. Evening routines and prayers the baby will go down easily and sleep the whole night.

Life revolves around them- little eyes and tiny hands. You would die for them- take a bullet at any moments’ notice – but getting up off the couch once again to soothe a crying babe, or change a dirty diaper, can feel so daunting and unfair. Cries in the night wake you up with a deep sigh. Guilt and shame plague you. Doubt creeps in. Comparison to other’s seemingly shiny, fun filled lives takes place. You wonder if you are doing it right, this thing called life and raising children, and you can’t quite seem to figure out if you are or not.

The most precious times of my life have been the last fourteen years. Fourteen years where I’ve always had a pair of eyes looking up to me for help, for answers, for care and love. To be held and rocked and soothed – fed and bathed and put to bed. Precious times, yes, but also some of the most challenging of my life.

To you moms, in the depths of babies and toddlers – I won’t say to cherish the time or that it goes all too fast (even though these are both true statements). What I’ll say instead is this is where you will grow. Not just your tummy with a baby kicking inside, but all of you. Your marriage will be tested. Your faith shaken. Your selfishness brought to light. You will grow in your knowledge on viruses and bacterial infections and when to take them to the doctor and when to not. You will grow in the art of multi-tasking, know how to make a bottle in the dark. Your acting skills will flourish. You’ll cry in your bathroom, wipe away the tears, and come out with a smile on your face for your babes.

Growing will look like less of you and more of them. Growing will entail forgetting lots of things you thought before having kids and extending grace to yourself and spouse more easily. After a while you will realize we are all just doing our best.

There might be months or even years where you feel like you have lost yourself. Your old pjs that smell like spit up, your once voluminous hair piled up in a messy bun, and the bags under your eyes will stare back at you in the mirror and you might worry it’s all been lost, that it left with your tight stomach and energized self.

But don’t fret – not all is lost. Some lost yes, but much more gained.

You, my dear, will be a stronger, better version of yourself. You will find you again and realize she has been there all along. Growth in wisdom, confidence, clarity, priorities, will all take place, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. One day you will look back at pictures of yourself as a young mom and extend her compassion and grace, what you did not give her much of back then.

Soon enough, your little ones’ eyes will be looking down on you and you may wish for a second or two, that they were little once more. Because even though those days were oh so hard, they were some of the best days of your life. Even if at the time, bedtime couldn’t come soon enough.