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She hates me and I don’t know why. For real though. Maybe you think I should use the words “irritated by”, “dislikes” or something more like “not a fan of” or “allergic to”. You might be thinking I’m being dramatic and exaggerating. But no, drama is really not my thing and while I can exaggerate at times, like when it’s above 100 degrees and I say I am literally dying from the heat, this situation is not that case.

I recently saw an Instagram influencer share a picture of herself with her two daughters in tow- all smiling- and the words across the picture were: “Built In Best Friends”. “Where are mine?”, I wondered to myself.

I try. I try and try and try. Discipline- not too harshly (we don’t want to be a drill sargent) but not too softly (we are the parent, not the friend). You have to have rules but too many rules and they feel like a prisoner and then get to college and go crazy loco. Too little rules and they are doing God knows what whenever they want, plus their room would become a hazard area with all the cups, cracker boxes, pop cans, etc. We must give them technology because it’s part of this world and how they connect with friends but there has to be restrictions. We have to enforce those restrictions and get much backlash because of them, we may give in a time or two, but mostly try to stick to our rules.

I smile and say a cheerful “hello”. I occasionally use slang words like, “cringe”, “sus, “cap”, and “preppy” to try to connect. (What does “cap” actually mean again??) I ask questions, lots of questions that get responded with, “good”, “fine”, “it was ok”, “no”, “yes”, “it was good”, “it was fine”, “not much”, and my personal favorite: “I don’t know”.

I try to understand but usually don’t. I try to listen and not give advice even though I desperately want to because at times, I actually do understand. I hold my tongue. I swallow my words. And then I don’t. I spew out all that has been inside and all I want them to know and they roll their eyes or appease me by saying, “ok”.

My feelings get hurt. I worry. I do research. I compare. I see them struggle but am sometimes unable to pull out of them what is wrong. Which causes me to worry more.

I look at the face of a girl who I used to know but don’t feel like I do anymore.

Nothing can prepare you for the teen years. Nothing. Just like when they put that sweet little baby in your arms, you look down at them and vow to protect them and can’t believe how much you love them, but also are slightly panicked because you have no clue what you are doing.

And I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t. I am praying and trying and using teen slang words but am also slightly panicked inside because it’s all new. And me, who used to be their safe place, who used to be who they would confide in and look up to, is no more.

If you have a teen and they are your “bestie”, then congratulations. I am truly happy for you. Do you have any advice?! And cool slang words to use?

I do believe someday, she will be a built-in bestie. I hope and pray. Not now, not for the foreseeable future, but hopefully down the road. In the meantime I will try. I will hold my tongue. And swallow my words. I will pray and pray and pray. I will take her to church and teach her the love of God. I will fail and fail and fail, make mistake after mistake, but will always love.

So yes, she may hate me now but someday she wont.

Right?