Throughout my life, I have been given the “stuck up” label. By acquaintances who I’ve gotten to know better and after some time, have straight up said to me, “I used to think you were stuck up when I first met you.” In the past I would smile and say, “no, just a little more reserved and shy.” When I was younger the label never really bothered me because I knew that was not my heart at all and I didn’t really think I was being that way. But as I’ve gotten older, I have realized more and more how I might come across that way to some. I thought (because I’m a completely different person than I was 15 years ago) I had left behind my days of being labeled, “stuck up” until a friend had told me a mutual acquaintance told her, “I don’t know what to think about her, she seems stuck up.” I tried to not let it bother me but it did. I didn’t understand why I kept receiving that label.
Therefore, I have strived to reach out more, be the first one to say “hello”, ask questions and have tried my best to not come across as, “stuck up”. As I’ve grown in my faith, it’s been even more important to me that my outward actions reflect my heart. So, me being hyper aware of how I interact around others I don’t know that well, is something I’ve been self conscious of for a while now.
But can I let you in on a little secret?
It’s all kind of exhausting.
Being constantly worried if I made a good impression, talked enough, smiled enough, was engaging enough, un-stuck up enough, etc. Exhausting.
Recently, I found myself apologizing to certain people for not being more sociable and telling them, “I promise I’m not stuck up!” This goes to show how much I do not want to come across that way and how worried I am that, despite my efforts, I still at times come across as such. And then I read this quote which is the title of my post, “Never apologize to others for their misunderstanding of who you are.” Author Unknown. Light bulb moment for me. I hadn’t really realized what I’d been doing the last year or two; striving to not receive a label, to control what others’ thoughts were of me.
With 4 kids and my husband and I owning 2 businesses, my life moves fast. A lot of times I’m simply distracted and don’t notice the familiar face passing me by in their car. If I don’t wave it’s because I truly didn’t notice you. My schedule is filled up to the brim, probably just like yours, and the little time I do have to socialize, I spend with family and a good group of friends who I trust and enjoy being around, outside of socializing at the girls’ activities. Some days, I feel I’ve been pulled in 78 different directions throughout my day and when evening comes I yearn to be by myself in silence that refreshes my soul, not small talking it up with others. Friendship is hard in this stage of life, I know lots of other mamas with multiple kids who feel the same. So if you feel like you are failing at making time for friends (old or new) and social activities, know you are not alone and it’s ok. We all are doing our best. And true friends will understand and give you grace.
So, I’m done. Done trying to avoid that label. It’s exhausting and honestly, kind of a lost cause. People label others, whether they really know them or not. That’s just the honest truth.
Not everyone is going to know and understand your true heart and that’s ok.
There is tremendous freedom in surrender.
